Desperate Times
by TwilightMakesTheWorldGoRound
Summary: Setting is New Moon. No Volturi, cliff diveing, or halusonations. Bella needs an outlet and she finds one. Warning: Cutting. Angsty. Please read and review. Jasper/Alice; Emmet/Rose; Carlisle/Esme *gasps* what about Edward and Bella?
1. Discovery

**OK, so I'm hoping to get more reviews for this story, than my others. (If that doesn't make sense, please do tell me in one of your awesome reviews *hint hint*)**

**BPOV**

It's been 6 months since he left me. I didn't know what to do with myself any more; I was just a waste of space. Life was nothing. I didn't want anything anymore like food or water or rest. It was just me moving around the earth, with no desires or needs to keep me going. I didn't want to be anywhere if it wasn't with him.

Two months ago I finally realized that the problem was that I couldn't feel anything. There was no way I would ever be able to want again; not without feeling something. I was chopping carats for Charlie, while trying to figure out what to do with myself, to make me feel again, when the knife slipped and landed right on my wrist. I gasped in pain when I had an epiphany. I had felt something. I had felt pain. I loved this feeling! The blood trickling down my arm, the adrenaline rushing through my veins.

What a perfect outlet I had found. I quickly finished making dinner for Charlie, and stumbled into the bathroom. I grabbed my razor, pulled my sleeve down, and placed it against my arm. I pushed down and dragged it up my arm a few inches or so. I waited for the bleeding to stop and rinsed my arm off.

"You OK, in there Bells?" My father's voice sounded from the hall. Hurriedly, I pulled my sleeve back down and walked out into the hall.

"Yea dad, I'm fine." I'd said that a lot these past months, but for the first time it wasn't a lie. "I'm gonna go to bed," I said, just a little too fast.

"Kay, goodnight," But I was already gone. I finally had it. The trick to how I could continue living without him. This was perfect.

**Sorry, I know it was short but the next chapter will be longer I promise. Thanks for putting up with me. Next chapter up soon. =) **


	2. School Time

**OK I love you guys, I got 1 review, 1 favorite, and 2 alerts! Maybe it's stupid to some people that I'm getting so worked up, but this is amazing to me. Don't judge me, it's a happy moment. Everyone who jumps up and down, in happiness for me right now, and then tells me they did in a PM or a review gets a shout-out in the next chapter. Please be honest guys, if you don't you're imaginarily banned from my stories.**

Bpov

Oh yay, its breakfast time. I'm sitting at my kitchen table with my dull cheerios. Well it's been about two months since my life, officially, began again. Maybe people would tell me that I'm hurting myself and that I should stop before it gets worse but, what no one understands is that I 'm healing myself. Maybe I have scars on my arms but I feel better afterwards. I go into the bathroom whenever I feel depressed, and I cut. It's not like I do it every day, just once or twice a week.

I laugh and smile every once and a while, and at the end of the day it's worth it. There are minimum reminders of him so that definitely helps in dealing with the pain, at least when it's not too unmanageable. When it is….. well that's when my razor comes into the picture.

I still don't really eat anymore but that's only because I'd just puke it right back up again. This, admittedly, might be some sort of a side effect to cutting but it doesn't last long anyways, so it's not really a problem.

I really was stalling in eating my cereal because after I was done it meant I had to go to school. That's one thing I am not interested in doing right now. I had to though because if I didn't someone would start to notice how much school I'm missing. And I have no doubt that that would lead to Charlie getting curious.

Well that was the last Cheerio. I grabbed my coat off the hook and, slowly but surely, walked to my truck. Driving to school was just as it always is. A bore. School will be just as exciting as the ride was, so I might as well get used to it. Getting to school, stares followed me where ever I go. This isn't new though, or the worst part. Some people say I do drugs, some say I drink. No one actually believes I cut though. I don't think anyone expects me doing something this drastic. I didn't think I would…. but I did, so now it's time to face the facts, and move on with my life. That's why I decided to do this in the first place.

I walked through the halls to my first class. English with Mr. Berty. **(Sorry if that's the wrong teacher I'm writing this without the books) **Today we're going writing an essay on what we would do, if we were in Juliet's position. I know exactly what I would do. I would pick up a knife and cut, when I saw Romeos dead body, lying on top of my live one. I _did_ do that. I don't think writing this would do any good though, so I'll just write something simple and predictable.

Well, as predicted, my classes were dull. I'm now in the lunch room, chewing on a piece of celery, so that no one starts rumors about me being anorexic.

"Hey Bella," an annoying voice sounded. I turned to see who it was and was not pleased with the results. Lauren Mallory. "I was just wondering when you think, you'll just give up trying to hide, and admit to everyone that the only reason you get through the day, is because you're either a drugie or you drink. I mean everyone knows it's one or the other we're just wondering which one it is." She shouted rashly. Just as I was about to defend myself with a rude comment, Angela came to my rescue.

"Lauren just stop, just because Bella is going through a tough time, doesn't mean we should make assumptions and attack her."

"You just wait Angela. She's eventually going to crack." She retorted.

"Even if she does she'll have real friends to help her get through it." Thank you God, for giving me Angela Weber. I couldn't listen to this anymore, so I calmly exited my room. I decided school wasn't worth it today so I went home. Charlie wouldn't be home yet and I wasn't absent for the whole day, so no one would call him.

Life was getting better, but it was still hard.

**OK so that's it for chapter two. =) I hope you guys enjoyed reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it. There's a pole on my profile that I really need you guys to vote on so get to visiting. Oh and one more thing, make sure to REVIEW!**


	3. Authers Note

**I am so happy with all the reviews alerts and favorites. Maybe I don't have many alerts to you but to me 2 is a lot =). With that said…. I really do need some poll results please. The poll is about when/if Bella's friends in school, find out about her cutting. I can't really go on writing until someone gives me some answers. I once had a poll that got me only two voters. That poll decided if I wanted to write this story or something entirely different. The two votes decided that this was the story I was going to write, so please your vote really does count. **

**PS REVIEW! =)**

**-Melina **


	4. Exciting News

**OK so I'm kind of disappointed with the lack of response on my poll. I only got two voters. = ( Unfortunately, those two voters voted for different things, so I'm just going to wing it. If you don't like it then just remember that I gave you a chance to have effect on the story. **

Today I woke up went to the bathroom and cut. Then after I was done I got ready for the cruel day to come. Every day was started like this. It was just my routine by now. So I went down stairs and ate my granola bar. (Well nibbled on for a little while is more accurate than _ate_) When I couldn't put it off anymore, I hoped in my car and drove to school.

Today was different though. I was used to people starring and whispering about me, but…. Today was different. Most of the time it was out of disgust or resentment. Today it looked like…. sympathy? I looked around trying to find anything openly different. And then I saw it. The little shiny Volvo that I've been avoiding thinking about these past months.

I wanted to run back to my car and drive back home and never come back to this place. He couldn't come back now. Why would he even want to? He didn't love me. He made that very clear. I was just starting to get better. I wasn't going to be able to survive; having to see his face every day, and know that he wasn't mine.

When I got out of my trance, I realized I was just standing in the middle of the parking lot starring into space. I took a step forward and almost fell down. I tried again and managed to stumble into English.

_Great, just perfect,_ I thought. It looks like they're planning on keeping the Cullen's classes the same as before. This means I'm in just about all of Edwards's classes. I sat down at my desk and not five minutes latter Edward sat down next to me. I looked so different than I did then, and I wondered if he would recognize me. Now I wore dark clothing, and was probably a lot thinner due to lack of eating.

"Bella?" He said after a few moments of starring. His voice definitely did not help with the pain. So he _did_ recognize me. Well he was a vampire and I wasn't _all_ that different. I eventually decided that I still had to answer him.

I turned my head and said, "Yea it's still me," in my monotone.

"What happened to you?" He asked starring.

"Nothing," I shot back. I hadn't really _changed_, just adapted. And the Mr. Berty saved me, by starting the lesson.

I tried to avoid Edward for the rest of the day, and my plans were working pretty well up until lunch. I was wearing a jacket over my shirt, like most days, because I was wearing a short sleeved shirt underneath, and wasn't about to let anyone see my scars.

Idiotically I pulled off my jacket because I was getting hot. Of course Edward has been starring at me all day and now was no exception. So as soon as I pulled my jacket off Edward's eyes wouldn't leave my wrists. He gasped. I was shocked. How could I have been so stupid? And when Edward gasped his family turned to see what was wrong. They gasped to. Everyone has been watching the Cullens today so they also turned to see what was wrong. A lot of people gasped and dropped books and things. Basically I had an entire cafeteria starring at my wrists. One of the lunch ladies dropped their trays in shock and that was enough to snap me back into reality, so I quickly put my jacket back on and ran away. The Cullens followed me. Why do they even care? Why can't they just leave me alone?

I started crying and broke down. I just kept running but how did I expect to out run vampires? Alice grabbed me from behind and I suddenly heard a 'click'. I looked around and saw that it was very dark. Someone turned a light on so I could see. I found I was in a janitor's closet with all the Cullens. And someone locked the doors. I was still crying and had no immediate plans to stop.

Finally Emmet spoke, "What the Hell is wrong with you?"

**Hey guys so I'm leaving you with a little cliff hanger and I'll try to post really soon. But you guys **_**do**_** know that if you review I'll post faster. Also if you have any ideas than I would love to hear them. Just PM me. =)**


	5. The Closet

**Ok I was so impressed with the reviews that came up almost immediately after I posted the last chapter so I decided to start the next chapter the same day. (See I told you reviews make me write faster) Anyways thank you **_**everyday i'm shuffiling**_**, **_**xSuuuss**_**, and **_**harleymaria**_**. I appreciate your lovely comments.**

**PS **_**everyday I'm shuffiling**_**, you should work on your language. Your review was harsh hehe =) Anyways on with the story…..**

_Previously…._

_Finally Emmet spoke, "What the Hell is wrong with you?"_

Bpov

"Let me out _now,_" I shot back fighting more tears. Suddenly I realized Edward wasn't here….

"No not until you give us some answers." Jasper replied coolly. What was there to be asked? _'Why did you cut yourself,'_? They already knew the answer to that one. I didn't know what else to do so I sat there and pouted.

"Where's Edward" I asked in the harshest voice I could manage.

"Well my guess is, in the cafeteria trying to figure out what to do with himself," Rosalie stated.

"In fact someone should probably go check up on him." Alice said in a worried voice. What did they want? It's not like they cared what I did to myself anyways.

"On it," Rosalie said and walked gracefully out of the closet. Emmet locked the door again after she left.

"Now back to the question, I believe you still have Emmet's to answer." Jasper hinted. I thought a moment and then remembered. _Oh yes…. He asked what the Hell was wrong with me. _My cheeks burned.

"There is nothing wrong with me." I said through clenched teeth.

"Oh really, so your perfectly healthy?" Alice questioned sarcastically.

"Yes," I half shouted.

"Bella healthy people don't do _this_,' Emmet shouted back while pulling up my sleeve. I pulled it back down angrily.

"Just let me out!" I shouted I didn't want to sit here while they insulted the way I heal. They left; they didn't care about me anymore. They can't, all of the sudden come back, and expect me to be OK with everything that happened!

"Bella Swan please report to the office." Said a concerned voice on through the intercom. '_Oh great. Now I get even _more_ sympathy,_' I thought. Why did everyone start caring about me now? Well at least they couldn't keep me in the closet anymore.

"Excuse me," I snapped at Emmet, who was at the moment using his body as a barrier, in front of the door. He reluctantly moved aside. And with that I got up and left. When I was out I started to think about my options. I had to go to the office because if I didn't then they would definitely find me. They wouldn't leave something this big alone. I wonder if someone called Charlie. I really hope they didn't…. this would hurt him so much!

By now I was already at the door to the office and I slowly walked in. The receptionist motioned me over, and brought me to a quiet corner where no one could hear. I tried to wipe the tears off my face, but my eyes were probably already, red and puffy anyways. She held my hands.

"Hun do you want to tell me what happened in the cafeteria?" She said in a motherly voice. I shook my head, knowing my voice was no good right now "Well sweetie, I need you to show me your wrists," She said slowly, probably not wanting to upset me.

"No," I said, my voice still shaky. I really didn't want this to happen. Why did anyone care? They all practically disowned me. Now all of the sudden I was their business again? This wasn't fair. They weren't there when I really _did_ need someone. Why now? I started crying again.

"You don't have to be scared. I'm not here to judge you." She told me. I still didn't want to, but there really was no getting out of it. If I didn't show her, then she'd probably just pull up my sleeve, and see for herself. So I slowly pull my sleeve up for display. Her eyes widened and I cried harder.

"OK we're gonna go to the hospital and have someone look at this. In the car, you can tell me why you decided to cut." She told me. I didn't want to go to the hospital it would be harder to hide from Charlie that way. But not impossible. Charlie was out fishing with Billy so if I got out fast enough he didn't even have to know.

**OK so I'm loving the reviews and stuff like I said before, and I'll start writing again when I get 10 reviews. Right now I think I have 8 so it shouldn't be that difficult. Thanks for putting up with me.**

**-Melina**


	6. Carlisle

**Wow my reviews total shot up to 10 in about 10 minutes. Well I promised to write again when I got to 10 so here I am. Oh and I decided the receptionists name will be Mrs. Smith**

Well as promised, the secretary, Mrs. Smith made me tell her all about my cutting. She still didn't know the _real _reason why I started though. I didn't plan on letting her know. We're arriving at the hospital now and an awful thought came to me. _Carlisle. _Why wouldn't he be the doctor they had me see? Of course I still love _all _of them -even Edward- so I didn't want to offend them or hurt their feelings. If I told Carlisle the reason I was here, than he would be so hurt!

We had just gotten into the lobby and Mrs. Smith told the nurse at the desk she was dropping me off for none other than…. _Dr. Carlisle Cullen._ Oh _joy_. The nurse told Mrs. Smith she could leave, and told _me_ to sit in one of the chairs, near the door.

The room I was in was white and very bright. (**Hehe (= white and bright rhyme) **On one of the walls there was a poster that read: DON'T CUT CALL 603-537-9889. I rolled my eyes. Wow, people could be really obtuse. People who cut don't need anyone knowing about it. They already have enough on their hands if they were driven to that point. I wouldn't even still be here if that nurse wasn't watching me like a hawk.

She told me that Carlisle was ready to see me and led me to his office. We walked through a long, narrow hallway until we made it to our destination. I knock on the door and he told me I could come in. When I got in I looked around to see Carlisle sitting in his chair, with wide eyes staring at me. Apparently, no one warned him that it was me coming.

"Bella?" Why does everyone keep asking me that today?

"Yup," I stated popping my 'p'.

"What happened? Is something wrong?" That's when I remembered where I was.

"Well that depends on who you ask." I really didn't want to explain what happened, so I decided to beat around the bushes for as long as possible.

"What happened?" He asked disapprovingly. _You just _had_ to ask didn't you, Carlisle? _I yelled internally. I had to think of the right way to put this.

"Well I took my jacket off in school today, and well, I shouldn't have." I stated. He still looked confused. Then I remembered that I still hadn't really explained. I decided to try again. "W-Well when you g-g-guys l-left I didn't get b-b-by, completely on my own." I stuttered through the sentence and removed my jacket. Carlisle gasped and by now I was bawling.

"Bella, you didn't." I nodded and sat down with my arms around my knees. He sat down next to me, and hugged me. For the first time, I regretted cutting. I finally saw the wrong, in it that others saw. I didn't know how I was going to live with myself. How in the world did I convince myself to do something so stupid?

"Bella can I check your wrists out? I want to see if there's any infection." I nodded. I wanted to be OK. I wanted to make sure I hadn't done too much damage. After Carlisle checked me out, he had a talk with me.

"Bella, when was the last time you ate something? Nibbling on a carat or something doesn't count. A real meal." I thought about it. I think the last time I really ate something was last Thursday.

"Thursday," I whispered. Wow that made it 3 days. I didn't even notice I was hungry until now.

"Bella, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have an eating disorder." I started crying again. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. "The good news is that your cuts aren't infected." I had an eating disorder. This is not good. What's Charlie going to say? Oh no, I just gave Lauren a whole new reason to spread rumors about me.

"Carlisle can I ask you a question?" I had to take my mind off of the events of today. And I was also extreamly curius.

"Anything Bella," He assured me.

"Why did you come back?" I asked

"Alice didn't tell you? I thought that would be the first thing she said to you." I shook my head. "We came back because Edward missed you. He still loves you Bella." He loveingly told me. That was impossible. Edward had made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with me.

"W-what?" I stuttered. And then as if on cue, who was t burst through the door but Edward. Looking very upset, if I might add.

**OK so that's it. Umm…. please review and you know the drill. The more reviews the faster words appear on my magic moving screen. =P**


	7. Healing

**Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. So I'm really tired and am writing this in bed so cut me some slack OK? Anyways, on with the story.**

I looked at Carlisle for reassurance. He nodded, trying to get me to believe Edward really did love me. Then I remembered the furious looking angle standing in the doorway. After that I remembered _why_ he was furious. How was I supposed to explain something like this? Carlisle tried to help, but failed miserably.

"Bella I think now would be a good time to explain some things." He said. I gulped.

"Well…. um…. I started cutting?" My words came out like a question.

"Yes but why?" Edward yelled. I flinched back. I didn't know what to do. Did Edward really still love me? I decided that Carlisle would never play my feelings like that. He knew how cruel that would be. Why that effected my decision not to lye…. I had no idea. But it did so here goes nothing.

"Because you left." I stated simply.

"Bella? I need you to promise me something." He said with pain clear in his voice.

"Yes?" I would do anything for him. Anything to make the pain go away.

"Never, ever do anything to hurt yourself again." He said. I didn't know to do that anymore. I didn't know if I could.

"I'll try." I said fighting back more tears. What if he left me again when I couldn't.

"I guess that'll do for now." He said quietly and regretfully. "And we'll all be here to help you."

"Does that mean you're staying?" I asked hopefully.

"Always," He told me. He kissed me and then we went home. To his home so I could see my family again. To be reunited. I wanted to get better. And I would try but it was definetly not going to be easy. The phone rang and Edward picked it up.

"Hello?" He said. "Yes she's right here. It's for you." What did anyone want with me? He handed me the phone and I spoke.

"Yes" I asked slowly. And a very unwanted voice spoke.

"Oh hey Bella." Laurens unpleasant voice sounded once more. "Just wanted to let you know that, thanks to me, everyone knows what you are. And everyone knows just how unworthy of Edward you really are." I started to cry. Because deep down, I knew her words to be true. Edward imediently hung up for me. And for that I was thankful. Edward let me soak his shirt in tears and eventually he drove me home. Tomorrow was not going to be a fun day at school. But would be OK because I had Edward with me. I could make it through anything ad long as I had him. He was my life.

**Sorry. Cruddy ending I know. I lost inspiration. I will post a sequal and hopefully it will be epic. But I won't post until I receive at least 4 more reviews. If you don't review then I'll know that this was a piece of crud. Thanks for your time.**

** -Melina**


	8. Final Authers Note

**OK so I'm putting a poll up on my profile for whether or not I should write a sequel. If you think I should obviously vote, but you should also PM me, with any advise you have for it. Thanks =)**

**-TwilightMakesTheWorldGoRound **


	9. xSuuuss

**Hey guys I'm really, **_**really**_** sorry 'bout all the authors notes but I have important news. I sit up all night thinking about how to write this sequel, and I always come up with nothing. But theirs is one person who I believe can really create this story and better it, not worsen it. I've asked **_**xSuuuss**_** to write the sequel to my story. If you have liked this story I'm sure you'll love hers. Make sure to read it and leave her lots of reviews. Thank you **_**xSuuuss**_**, and everyone else who read my story. I'll try and write another one in the summer. **

**-Melina**


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